It Easy To Tell What Area Man Will Look Like As Skeleton

June 3, 2012 by Chelsy  
Filed under Royal Family News

An anxiety-ridden man is rightly ashamed of every single thing that he does, half a sleeve of Oreos is lost in a house fire, and a local man has had more than enough beach. It’s the week of April 30th, 2012. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: Like The Onion on Facebook: Follow The Onion on Twitter:


25 Responses to “It Easy To Tell What Area Man Will Look Like As Skeleton”
  1. LordEisenburgh says:

    there were 7 cookies…

  2. Makailae says:

    1:15 NOOO!! NOT THE OREOS!!?

  3. Candy Coated says:

    I need that credit card?

  4. shark66able says:

    oreos? ?!!!!!!!!!

  5. niperwiper says:

    Notice in the fire story, six? objects are mentioned: the husband and wife, three kids, and the pack of oreos. “All half-dozen of which perished.” Dark Onion … very dark.

  6. noahlankford1 says:


  7. BoonHeadnl says:

    6 cookies?… it shows 7!!
    What kind of news reporting is this?! Get your facts straight!? :’)

  8. TARINunit9 says:

    And if mosquitoes biting out of spite weren’t enough to blow your mind today, here’s another fact: only female? mosquitoes bite*. Yeah. Combining those facts, we now have scientific proof that feminists are, in fact, a conglomerate of shrill harpies dedicated to ruining all fun

    *feminism joke aside, the “only female mosquitoes bite” part is actually true*

  9. Artifacter says:

    The password is “eat at quiznos, jarred? sent me

  10. otonomi1 says:

    I hope Subway has the secret? password.

  11. snipes081 says:

    I actually? kind of believe the mosquito thing.

  12. heymisterderp says:

    Actually, seven cookies were lost? to the flames. Get it right, Onion.

  13. Shuttheheckup735 says:

    I have anxiety issues. And you’re a fucking pussy.
    I honestly do have anxiety issues though, pretty easy? to live with once you get used to it.

  14. jarrodbaker45 says:

    Heeey… I Counted 7 OREOS.?

  15. InsanePickle007 says:

    what? are you talking about nigger

  16. samskins says:

    I want? that damn password.

  17. nguht says:

    7 cookies…yup an extra cookie was? lost in the blaze

  18. MetalSights says:

    Dude, just saying, you’re a? wussy. Me, my siblings, and my friend are going to be silently judging you.

  19. TinBryn says:

    Koalas? are not bears

  20. BlackCerberrus says:

    Same? here…

  21. PFCelis2 says:

    the cookie? thing hit me pretty hard.

  22. Neuceidus says:

    Damn? Mosquitoes… (gets out my bug swater)

  23. funkophone says:

    Woah? woah woah, where the fuck is this magical kingdom where Oreos are in sleeves and not trays?

  24. Toml420 says:

    What’s? an Area Man?

  25. CasualGarbage says:

    There were seven oreos in that fire, not six! ? I demand retribution.

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